


As He Learns to Love

by milliondollarbaby



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Feels, Aromantic, Confused Lee Jeno, Flirty Na Jaemin, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Introvert Huang Ren Jun, M/M, Oblivious Huang Ren Jun, Polyamory, Teen Angst, nct - Freeform, norenmin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2020-05-19 07:38:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19352461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milliondollarbaby/pseuds/milliondollarbaby
Summary: Jaemin is a mess, Renjun is foolishly in love and Jeno is aromantic.





	1. the heart that beats.

**Author's Note:**

> hello, lovelys!! this is my first fic ever so i'm sorry if it is quite messy and shitty. i really tried to do my best and squeeze the shit out of my hopeless brain but yeah :D feel free to comment sumn so i can improve my writing!!!

 

It’s funny how people always associate the heart with love when all it does is pump blood in order for a human to live. It’s the human mind that’s playing and fuelling the desire to find someone attractive or to be emotionally hung up for someone you just met the first time.  The heart never beats for someone. It beats for something.

Or so, that’s what Jeno thinks. Generic thoughts. Facts. Boring.

Lit class has always been Jeno’s favourite. He loves the smell of old books as he reads them for a book report, the figures talking and just writing in general. Jeno loves writing. He thinks he’s better in writing his thoughts than actually saying it and it’s true because Jeno can’t organize his thoughts when he’s pressured to speak it. So he loves Lit class so much over anything to the point he would die if he’d be late for at least a minute, and he would die; right here, right now because he is indeed a minute late. He tries to open the door of the auditorium with much care and softness to forbid the old hinges from making a single sound but despite of being his most careful self and the prayers he mentally muttered to the gods, the door creaks making his professor and the whole class look at his sorry ass. He closed his eyes and stepped inside the auditorium, saying a small, “Sorry, I’m late,” which he knows, only himself has heard.

The professor cleared his throat and ushered Jeno to take a seat after saying he’ll deduct some points from his attendance card. Jeno sighed and found himself looking at the only open seat on the second row, right beside a tiny boy with chocolate brown locks and a mustard sweater. _Huang Renjun_ , he thought. He marched towards the open seat without saying a word and was about to sit when a boy taller than him bumped his shoulder and sat on his supposed seat, right beside Renjun. The boy put an arm around Renjun who shifted uncomfortably in his touch and smiled at the poor looking tiny boy, whose cheeks reddened because of embarrassment. Jeno gritted his teeth and muttered a small, _“Asshole,”_ under his breath whilst looking at Na Jaemin; the campus’ asshole who literally thinks he’s a god or something and who lives for dark clothing, who’s smiling sarcastically at him. After sending daggers at Jaemin’s way, which he hopes pierced through the boy and killed him mentally, Jeno halted to climb the stairs to find a seat for himself at the back of the auditorium. He sat down, exhausted with the little drama a while ago and sighed loudly causing his sleeping seatmate to wake up. He felt the girl shift and moved farther from him, as if he’s someone with leprosy who’s needed to be stayed away from. His lips twitched and he was aching to say something but he couldn’t find the right words so he remained silent.

Jeno wasn’t really in the mood to listen to anything, regardless of the fact that this is his favourite subject. So he decided to take his tape recorder out to record the discussion because his mind seems to drift off to somewhere as he scribbles his little thoughts on a piece of paper, which later on, he’ll burn. It has been Jeno’s little hobby to write on a piece of paper and burn it at the end of the day. He feels an unexplainable satisfaction, like his thoughts vanished from his mind and unto the ground where the ashes of the paper remain.

Jeno snapped from his eerie thought-travelling when he heard his professor through the megaphone it was holding, which in his opinion really wasn’t necessary. “As I was saying, you will be working by threes and I already have the list here. I’m posting this at the Announcements Board so be sure to drop by and talk with your groupmates,” Mr. Lee announced. He scrunched his nose, _I hate group projects_. He wished he had the courage to stand up and protest and tell his professor that he wants to work alone but he was just there: seated, fists curled, breaths heavy while ironically chanting _be calm, be calm_ on his mind. He doesn’t have the courage to protest in front of his classmates but he sure will when class ends. He will protest.

The bell rang and majority stood up, fixed their bags, exchanged snickers and talks and headed out while he on the other hand, remained seated and waited for the sea of students to banish. He saw Jaemin forcefully holding Renjun’s hand, who is busy fixing his things using his free hand. He stared at how Jaemin softly tugs Renjun’s hand and mumbles sweet little nothings to the boy, making the latter blush. Jeno’s eyebrows rose as he tried to figure out what the relationship of the two truly is but he can’t seem to find the answer, not when Renjun caught him staring at them. He obviously looked away—immediately and pretended to fix his things. Jaemin is too rough for Renjun’s liking, he thought. Or, he assumed because he doesn’t really quite know the boy with chocolate locks. Besides his name, obviously. When he saw that the two boys were already heading out, he sighed and stood up and jogs towards his professor who was busy fixing his things.

“Hyung, I wanna work alone,” Jeno said and adjusted his backpack. His professor or his brother—whatever, looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “I’m afraid I can’t do that, Jen,” Lee Taeyong said and gave his little brother an apologetic smile.

“Hyung, I can do this alone. I want to do this alone. You know how much I hate socializing with people and you know how I don’t know majority of the students who take Lit class. How am I supposed to find my group mates?” he banters, trying to make his voice sound pitiful, hoping his hyung will give in to his request.

“Jeno, that’s the reason why I can’t give you what you’re asking. You need to learn how to socialize with people and this is the first step in doing so. You can’t always just rely on yourself; you have to have someone or two to help you. Not just in my subject or my project but in so many aspects,” Taeyong said and patted Jeno’s shoulder. Sure he does pity Jeno but it doesn’t change the fact that his decision is final and that sucks for Jeno because he knows his brother is trying to push him to something he’s sure he can’t do. At all.

Taeyong gave a wary smile at his defeated brother and messed his hair, “Don’t worry, bud. I gave you reliable partners and you sure do know them. You’ll not have a hard time, I assure you that.” Taeyong started heading out of the door but before he could disappear, Jeno called him. “Who am I partners with?” the words came out of his mouth, bitter and worrisome. His heart hammered in his chest and his thoughts like whirlwind in his mind.

Taeyong looked back at him, “Huang Renjun and Na Jaemin,” smiled and disappeared out of Jeno’s sight.

Jeno frozed and felt himself standing on thin ice. His heart seemed to stop beating and his thoughts calmed or vanished. He _felt_ like he’s screwed.

_No._

Lee Jeno _knew_ he’s fucking screwed.

 

 

 

 ++

 

 

Jeno can’t stop thinking of what tonight has for him and his err—partners. He doesn’t know what to feel, happy because he’s partners with familiar faces or not because it’s Na Jaemin and Huang Renjun. He’s quite not sure yet. He’s actually nervous because they decided to meet up to start brainstorming and working about the book that they will be covering, and they’re meeting at Renjun’s dorm. The place is just a few blocks from Jeno’s dormitory and he’s thankful because he can be a little over-thinker at night. He just can’t stand being outside after sunset. It scares him: the cold breeze, incidents that may happen and his thoughts.

After Jeno’s last class, he decided to stop by his dorm to shower. He doesn’t like the sticky feeling of dried sweat and dirt on his skin because he feels dirty and indecent. It’s not really that deep but he’s just sensitive to little things that might concern others. Jeno takes forever to shower since it’s his favourite. When he finally finished, it was already 18:30 which means he’s already an hour and a half late. _Shit_ , he thought to himself and hurriedly went through his closet to rummage and wear some decent clothes then he went to get his bag and ran to Renjun’s place.

He was frantically delirious when he rang the doorbell. His breathing was raged due to the fact he had to pull an Usain Bolt so he couldn’t be _more_ than late. He heard the door unlocking and when it opened, he saw a surprised Renjun—like he wasn’t really expecting Jeno to show up or maybe he was expecting somebody else. Jeno doesn’t know. “Hey,” Jeno greeted, trying to normalize his breath while acting like he didn’t just participate in a marathon. “Hi,” Renjun softly said and opened the door widely; “Come in.” the boy offered with a small smile. Jeno stepped in and Renjun closed the door. Jeno looked at him with apologetic eyes, “Sorry I’m late, I forgot about our meeting time I was pre-occupied with a lot of thoughts while I was in the shower, and I—” Renjun cut Jeno who was stuttering, trying to explain why he was late. “Hey, hey,” Renjun held Jeno’s arm, “it’s okay. It’s not a big deal.” He softly assured but Jeno didn’t seem to hear what he just said because the boy was busy staring at Renjun’s hand, softly caressing Jeno’s clothed arm. When Renjun noticed where he was staring, he immediately let go of the boy’s arm.

Jeno seemed to snap out of it and looked at Renjun. He was about to open his mouth to explain again but Renjun gave him a small smile, a sign which means he understands whatever reason Jeno has. “It’s okay, really. You’re the first one to… arrive,” the tiny boy in pastel pink hoodie muttered while going his way towards the small living room of his dorm. Jeno’s eyebrows turned into a frown, “I, I thought Jaemin’s already here? I thought you, guys, already started without me? I—” before he could say another _I thought_ , Renjun looked at him with sad eyes, “Jaemin… he… we should start without him. He said he’ll just catch up with us when he arrives... later,” the small boy fiddles on the tiny couch with his laptop on his lap. Jeno just nodded and sat beside him, silently taking his laptop out of his bag to start working.

The whole room was enveloped with nothing but their heavy breaths and the sound of their laptop’s keyboard clicking every time they press a key. Jeno couldn’t take the silence so he thought of something to talk about with Renjun, who’s focused on his laptop. He couldn’t think of something other than his curiosity of Renjun’s relationship with Na. Jeno shifted on his seat and prepared himself to ask Renjun the question. Jeno doesn’t know why but he gets a little nervous when he initiates a talk with someone. Maybe it’s the _socially awkward_ talking? Jeno’s really not sure. Jeno deeply inhales and muttered, “What’s your relationship with Na Jaemin?” so fast Renjun looked at him with a puzzled expression.

 _Oh, for fuck’s sake, Lee Jeno. Get a grip of yourself!_ He mentally scolds himself.

“I’m sorry I didn’t quite get that.” The older said with a small smile.

“Uhm, I’m not trying to be nosy but I’m just…” Jeno blushed, quite embarrassed of what he’s about to say, “curious of your relationship with Jaemin. What are you two exactly?” he finished and sighed. Renjun seemed startled with the younger’s question but he tried to hide it with a smile. “Honestly, I don’t really know, too.” He said which earned a frown from Jeno. “Jaemin, he… earlier was the first time he approached me. I’ve never really interacted with Jaemin and I was surprised when he sat beside me during Lit. He asked me if I want to date him and I said… yes. I’ve liked Jaemin for years now.” Renjun shyly explained and looked down to cover his cheeks tinted with red. Jeno was surprised with what he heard and it’s evident on his face. “Yeah, I know it’s quite shocking but I just couldn’t say no to him,” Renjun added. Jeno couldn’t believe what he just heard. Hell, he can’t even processed the fact that Renjun is too naïve to even consider dating Jaemin, the biggest asshole and manwhore in campus. “Renjun, I don’t think you should give Jaemin a chance. He’s just playing with you and messing up with your feelings. You know how he’s the campus’—” Jeno didn’t finish what he was trying to say because Renjun already cut him off, “Jeno, please, don’t tell me what to do with my life. You barely even know me so shut up and stop feeding me reasons and lies about Jaemin. Just do what you’re supposed to do and that is to mind your own damn business.” The boy said, with a sour expression on his face, breaths heavy after raising his voice. Jeno nodded. He felt defeated so he worked in silence. Making sure he doesn’t angry Renjun even more.

 

They finished the first chapter of their book analysis after five hours, two of them in one room filled with silence and no shadow of Na Jaemin showed up.


	2. questions left unanswered.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> : A lonely night in December became not so lonely for Jeno when the three of them met up to do their project. A problem kind of arose and Jeno didn’t know if he still has his shit together.

Jeno hates winter. He hates taking cold showers because the icy water seems to freeze his every fibre and muscle and how everything around him is just... cold and lonely. He also gets easily sick.

Jeno wraps himself a thick scarf which his brother bought for him last Christmas. He treasures it so much because it’s his brother’s first gift using his first pay check ever since he became a professor. He loves his brother so much because Taeyong never fails to treasure him and he’s the only one who could understand Jeno. Jeno gathered his things to go to Renjun’s… again. Ever since the awkward first meeting, Jeno never really bothered talking to Renjun unless it’s necessary. The walk to Renjun’s was a burden because of the cold breeze and the snow falling from the sky but Jeno admits, it was calming and soothing. It felt like all his problems vanished into thin air, turning into the cold breeze of December.

“It’s nice, right?” someone from behind spoke that startles Jeno from his deep-pit thoughts. He casually turns and saw Jaemin sweetly smiling at him, whose hands are inside his leather jacket. It’s crazy how Jaemin only wears two-layered clothes when it’s negative degrees outside when Jeno can even still feel the coldness with his four-layered clothing. He doesn’t know what to respond. He’s obviously not dim-witted but he’s awkward when it comes to conversing especially when it’s Na Jaemin.

Jeno shrugs and walks faster than usual. He doesn’t like talking to Jaemin nor see his face. He gets irritated and he doesn’t want to get irritated. It makes him feel like a bad guy. “You know you can’t really ignore me and pretend like I don’t exist. We’re partners,” Jaemin said as he catches up with Jeno, hands still in his pockets. Jeno gave out a scoff, “You consider us partners when you’ve never really showed up in three consecutive meet ups,” he muttered, hoping the younger heard him. The latter just bumped his broad shoulder to his and gave out a chuckle, “I showed up on the fourth, that’s what matters now.” He coolly says and puffs a breath in the air. Jeno found it fascinating how Jaemin looked cool with him, just breathing and only wrapped in thin clothing. He doesn’t know why but his thin lips turned into something called a smile.

-

A big smile plasters on Renjun’s face ever since Jaemin showed up after days of being unreachable. Jeno remembered how Renjun exasperatedly sighed a few days ago about how much he miss Jaemin because the boy went missing in action ever since that Lit class like, a week ago. They’re dating but they’re kinda not.  Jeno is confused.

“I suggest we take a break first. My eyes hurt from all the typing and reading.” Jaemin dramatically announced, breaking the silence between the three of them.

Jeno rolled his eyes mentally, “As if you’ve done anything right,” he mentally recited. Both boys looked at him. Jaemin with a small sarcastic smile and Renjun, whose mouth fell agape and eyes shocked. Well, Jeno might have projected it orally. He bit his tongue and looked down; embarrassed with what he just said. Renjun cleared his throat, “Jaemin’s right,” the boy said and gave Jaemin a small, shy smile. Jaemin took Renjun’s hand and gave it a small squeeze, “You’re the best, Injunnie.” He set aside their laptops and scooted close to each other. Jeno couldn’t bear what he’s seeing. He felt like barfing but out of courtesy, he just looked away and pretended to be searching the whole room. The two were busy whispering to each other, exchanging sweet words; which in Jeno’s opinion, Jaemin is faking. The two basically forgot the lonely boy’s existent which Jeno is already used to.

Jeno continues to ignore the couple’s presence, distracting himself with Renjun’s pile of plushies at the corner of the room. He took the huge white-coloured one who looks like a rabbit in his eyes. It has crescent moon-like eyes, cute thin lips, ears perked up and some thin-ass hair which Jeno found both cute and freaky. The object was warm in his hands, like it was made to make him feel warm on that cold, lonely night of December. “My moomin plushie!” he heard Renjun say, still locked up in Jaemin’s embrace who’s busy sniffing the boy’s hair. Jeno’s mouth formed into a wry smile, “I see… cute rabbit.” He said and squished the plushie. Renjun bursts into laughter, his eyes gone and a cute sound coming out of his mouth. Jeno found it amusing, how one could look that pretty even though he’s doing the bare minimum. “Jeno he’s a hippo!” the boy exclaimed and a small chuckle escaped his pretty lips. Jeno’s mouth formed into an ‘ _oh_ ’ and his cheeks reddened due to embarrassment.

Jaemin seemed to find the words to finally speak, “Jeno aren’t you cold?” he asked while embracing the tiny boy who’s back to snuggling his neck.

Jeno wanted to say yes and that his hands are freezing despite the heater in the room and the warm, soft plushie in his hands but he just shook his head, “I’m good,” he plainly said, hoping his voice didn’t shudder after lying. “You could join us, you know,” Jaemin nonchalantly recited and gave him a knowing look. Renjun was dumbfounded with what he’s heard but then he smiled and nodded his head, “Jaemin’s right. It’s just to keep us warm.”

“Yeah right,” Jeno replied. _As if I’d want to be stuck between the two of you._

Jeno didn’t know how the two could say such things. How could they just invite someone to cuddle with the both of them? Is that how relationships work? If so, Jeno doesn’t really want to engage in it. He’d rather be alone, and he is alone. Nice.

“Aren’t we going to continue? We don’t have much time, guys.” Jeno quietly said, hoping the two would cooperate so he could get out of there. The sooner, the better. Renjun seemed to snap out of it and freed himself from Jaemin’s slender arms. “Sorry Jen. My boyfriend is just… clingy and all,” Renjun said with rosy cheeks. Jeno couldn’t process what Renjun said because of what the former called him. _Jen?_

“You like it, Injunnie!” Jaemin defended in a whiny tone and Renjun just sweetly chuckled in return.

Renjun decided to sit next to Jeno while Jaemin on the other hand, stood up and went to the kitchen. The two started working again in silence. Renjun wanted to converse with Jeno and ask him about personal stuff, his hobbies and the like but a thought popped on his mind where he told him to mind his own business. It would be ironic if he doesn’t do the same. Renjun felt bad for saying that, and he knows it had upset Jeno. He wanted to say sorry for being rude (he usually doesn’t say things like that) but he doesn’t know how to apologize. Apologies aren’t his thing and it kinda sucks knowing how he can’t do anything about it even though he’s really sorry for saying such ridiculous words.

They heard a loud thud in the kitchen which both startled them, “I’m fine!” Jaemin yells. Both of them looked at each other out of instinct and chuckled at the same time. “Jaemin is really silly, far from what other people in campus are saying about him.” Renjun said, eyes glittering in adoration for his boyfriend. Jeno wanted to say something but he remembered what Renjun said to him a few days ago so he kept his mouth shut. It’s not his business, and it’s not like he’ll be the one who’ll get hurt.

Jaemin went back from the kitchen with a tray, filled with three bowls of smoking hot ramen. Jeno’s stomach rumbled when he realized he hasn’t eaten anything for the past 8 hours. Jaemin settled on Jeno’s side, settling the tray in front of Jeno. He handed one bowl to Renjun which the tiny boy happily received, “I haven’t eaten anything except breakfast!” and one for Jeno who was hesitating even though his stomach was churning for digesting nothing. “I know you’re hungry, Jeno. I can hear your tummy,” Jaemin sneered. Jeno feels like drowning as a small chuckle from Renjun errupted. He took the bowl from Jaemin’s hand and said a little _thank you_. The ramen noodles were cooked perfectly and Jeno never realized how delicious instant noodles are, as it glides in his throat, straight to his stomach.

The three of them ate in silence when Renjun broke it, “Have you ever been in love, Jen?” the boy randomly asked and slurped his noodles.

_Why is he asking me this out of nowhere?_

Jaemin gave him an anticipating look; waiting for his answer, curious to know about the shy boy’s personal life. He gulped the noodles before giving the two the answer they want to hear, “No,” he simply said. Renjun gave him a doubting look, as if Jeno said something close to a lie. “No? Like, never?” Jaemin clarifies with wide eyes, noodles hanging from his mouth whose other end he’s trapped between his teeth. Both Jeno and Jaemin gave him a disgusted look and the boy slurped his noodles hurriedly, he almost choked. “I have never. Not once.” Jeno said, voice wavering. He doesn’t like where this is going. Renjun placed his bowl on the floor and hovered closer to Jeno, “But why?” he softly asked. Jeno looked at him intently; doesn’t really know how to say it. “I’m… I…” he can’t really find the right words. He was close to breaking down because nobody really cared about him and anything about him. Jaemin gave him a small pat on the back, assuring him it’s okay not to answer. Jeno gently dropped his bowl on the floor, next to Renjun’s and nervously fiddled his cold hands. His eyes settled on it, never wanting to meet any of the boys’ burning and anticipating gazes.

“It’s okay, Jen. We understand.” Renjun muttered and held his slender hands with Jeno’s. The boy seemed fazed and shocked at how cold his hands are despite from holding the warm bowl seconds ago. “Gosh, your hands are freezing,” Renjun exclaimed and brought Jeno’s hands close to his mouth. Hot breath enveloped Jeno’s hands, giving it the warmth it was yearning. Jaemin was just looking at the both of them, lost in his thoughts but he doesn’t feel any jealousy simmering inside him. Jeno felt Jaemin’s gaze and he felt awkward for somewhat stealing the latter’s boyfriend. He was about to open his mouth when Jaemin gave him a small smile and mouthed _it’s okay_.

Renjun was still fanning his hands with his hot breath when Jaemin spoke,

 

“What if we teach you how to love?”

 

++

 

Jeno couldn’t sleep.

His mind is in a wallow and he couldn’t stop thinking of what Jaemin asked him earlier. Jeno admits, he was taken aback with what the younger asked him. He asked so casually as if teaching someone who couldn’t develop some romantic feelings is as easy as counting from one to three. Jeno’s condition is both a curse and a blessing. It’s a curse mainly because he wouldn’t experience being hurt by someone who meant the world to him, doesn’t get the feeling of being left for someone far better than him or even feel jealous when his partner values someone not him. Jeno is thankful but at the same time, he’s worried. Worried with all the ‘ _what ifs_ ’ that floods his mind. What if he becomes lonely for the rest of his life? What if his family departs before him and he’s left with no one but himself? What if? _God_. These thoughts are drowning him in pity and sadness.

Jeno stares at his ceiling, trying to clear his thoughts when a ring from his cell phone sitting on his nightstand erupted. He reached for it and was surprised when he saw Renjun’s name.

 _Why would he call me in the middle of the night?_ Jeno thought.

He was going to decline the call but something told him to accept it instead, so he did. He cleared his throat before speaking, “Renjun?” he softly spoke. He heard a sniff in the background which made him frown, “I-I saw him... with a girl. Jeno it hurts,” the boy on the other line sounded so heartbroken. His voice was trembling, and he could tell tears were streaming down his face like waterfalls, and it’s true. Renjun may seem tough on the outside but he’s truthfully a fragile, precious gem that could break any minute if you intend to do something to it, and Jaemin broke him.

Jeno stood up, nervous as hell with what he’s heard. “Where are you, Renjun?” he asked, hopeful the boy would give him the answer he asked for. He grabbed his coat and scarf and ran for the door. Renjun didn’t answer him instead, he kept on sobbing and it made Jeno even more nervous. “Junnie? Please tell me where you are, so I can come to you,” his voice was soft and filled with concern and worry. “I’m in the park. Please come get me,” Renjun begged. His voice was hoarse and tired. “I will. Wait for me,” Jeno said and dropped the call. He immediately put on his shoes and hurriedly opened his door. He ran as fast as he can, putting on his coat and scarf around him. He was like a leopard, prying and running for his prey, not minding the coldness of the night because all he could think of is Renjun. His insides are churning and his mind can’t stop thinking of ways on how to kill Na fucking Jaemin.

Jeno stopped when he saw a boy sitting on the snow-covered bench, shoulders slumped and face buried on his bare hands. Jeno sighed and walked towards the boy’s direction. He couldn’t bare seeing Renjun like that: weak and sad but at the same time, he felt like it was really the boy’s fault. For being naïve and for falling for Jaemin’s manipulation and games but he wouldn’t say that. Not now (and maybe not ever.)

He silently sat beside Renjun, not knowing what to do. “Hey,” he spoke to catch the boy’s attention. Renjun looked at him, eyes filled with sadness and cheeks wet with salty tears, “Please don’t tell me ‘I told you so’ because it hurts,” his lips trembled and he almost choked so Jeno cupped the boy’s face and wiped away his tears. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay,” he assures. He doesn’t really know what to say and if what he said is true. He’s never done this before and neither experienced it so he felt like he did a terrible job for making the boy cry harder instead of shushing him. Jeno doesn’t know what to do next so he pulled the broken boy into a tight hug, wishing it would calm him down while whispering assuring words in his ears, and caressing the boy’s soft chocolate locks. And it seemed to work because Renjun calmed down and stopped crying after minutes in that position.

“Jeno, why am I so stupid? I should’ve listened to you. God, I’m such an idiot,” Renjun weakly exclaimed, trying not to let the unshed tears fall. Jeno doesn’t know what to respond so he just stared intently at the boy as his way of telling him he’s listening. “I knew something was up when he didn’t show his face for days from me. My instincts told me he’s hiding something from me but I didn’t do anything! I didn’t listen to you and to myself and now I’m crying here like a pathetic, stupid little child! I wish I believed you, Jeno. I fucking wish I did,” tears started streaming again from Renjun’s eyes and Jeno couldn’t do anything but to wipe and caress the broken boy’s face.

They stayed for a little while so Renjun could finally calm down. It was freezing; Jeno couldn’t feel his face so he asked Renjun if they could go back to the dorms which thankfully, the latter agreed.

The walk to the dorms was silent—cold and ugly, and Jeno couldn’t stop but worry because Renjun seemed deep on his thoughts and would sniff from time to time, wiping tears from streaming further to his face.  Jeno felt bad, really. He couldn’t do anything about it because the problem has already surfaced and all they could do is deal with it. He didn’t expect to be part of the whole dating fiasco that both his partners are involved which he can’t get out since they’re far from accomplishing the project.

They reached Renjun’s unit and the boy went inside— didn’t even say a little thank you to Jeno for comforting him and walking him to his room—which Jeno already expected and understands. Renjun is not in his best state right now and he’s too pre-occupied to express some words of gratitude to his partner—who went all running to the other side of the campus to make sure he’s okay. Jeno scoffs and walks his way home.

As Jeno finds his way back to his building, he came to a realization. Why did he come running when Renjun called him? He felt stupid and kind of—he tried finding a nice word in his thoughts but he couldn’t find one, he felt desperate, like, he was waiting for Renjun to call him and ask for help, and the fact that he answered the call made him hit rock bottom that he might’ve been affected by Renjun.

But why? They’re not even friends, he thought, or they might be but it’s a superficial friendship where they don’t talk about family, what happens in their daily lives or even personal stuff (aside from relationship statuses). Heck, he bets both Renjun and Jaemin don’t consider him as their friend.

Or is it maybe because of what Jaemin asked him? The question? He tries to find an answer and as he comes up with it, he tries to push it at the back of his mind. He must be crazy for thinking it’d be possible for him, to be in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It must be overwhelming and crazy how fast the story line goes! It’s just that I was planning to keep this short and precise since I’ve planned to divide the story into 4-5 chapters only. I don’t want to twist my words and make this longer because then I’d be too lazy to even come up with an idea to make this interesting. These are what came to my mind so I’m jotting it down into actual words.


	3. despite the differences.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With all the dating fiasco that both his partners are involved in, Jeno decides to step his shit up and say yes to the offer.

**renjun 07:13**

hey thnx for last night. sorry wasn’t able to personally thank u. i had a lot of shit in mind. 

**jeno 07:24**

you’re welcome. it’s not rlly a big deal ig? hope you’re feeling good :)

_read_

 

Jeno felt stupid staring at his phone for the nth time, for why the fuck did he sent Renjun a smiley face? He felt like the boy found it creepy that he couldn’t bring his fingers to reply back. He sighed and tried to stop thinking about it, focusing on his stupid Stats homework which he doesn’t know what to answer. He’s in the library, specifically at the part where no one wants to be because of the creepy aura of the place and the crappy lighting. It has always been Jeno’s spot not because people don’t crowd the place (yeah well, a bit)  but because he finds comfort and peace, just being alone (he also get to sneak some snacks so he could eat some while studying.)

Jeno was in the middle of writing his wrong answers when somebody sat across from him. “I spent my allowance of the week, Jisung,” he nonchalantly said without looking up. Park Jisung, a freshman, always comes to him to ask for money. The poor boy always gets in trouble and that’s mainly the reason why his parents grounds him and reduce his allowance to half. “I’m quite aware my name is Renjun and not Jisung,” said the boy from across. Jeno was startled and looked up, seeing a bright looking boy in pastel blue hoodie, eyes glittering in happiness. Jeno gave out a confused look, confused on why Renjun is smiling brightly to him instead of being gloomy for what happened last night.

As if the boy read his mind, “You must be wondering, ‘why the fuck is Renjun smiling at me right now when he was a whole mess, crying like a pathetic loser last night?’” quotes the boy. “Uh, yeah but minus the swear word,” Jeno replies, earning a little chuckle from the boy. Jeno didn’t expect Renjun to get over what happened last night that fast because Renjun looks like the type of person who drowns himself in tears and won’t ever leave his bed even though you tempt him with his favourite food. He finds it weird how the boy is the exact opposite of what the movies portray characters who’re heartbroken.

“I realized it would be pointless if I just drown myself in tears and be in the worst depression state, Jen. And my gut tells me Jaemin has a reason about how… he’s with a girl last night,” Renjun pauses and scribbles some words on his notebook, sitting on the table that Jeno didn’t notice. “I let my emotions get the best of me last night and I felt pathetic. What if that was Jaemin’s cousin? I mean, I haven’t seen cousins who hold hands and kiss foreheads but yeah I don’t know, I believe in whatever Jaemin tells me because I like him… a lot.” The boy adds, earning a disappointed look from Jeno who didn’t  bother shoving it to Renjun’s face.

Jeno has never been in love and never been in a relationship his whole life but that was the stupidest thing he’s ever heard. The thing between Renjun and Jaemin isn’t love; it’s both manipulation and stupidity.

“How are you so certain about that?” Jeno asks; disbelief evident in his voice. Renjun stopped writing and a small smile creeps on his face. “I know Jaemin. He wouldn’t do such thing. We were childhood friends, you know. He’s the sweetest person and he takes care of me a lot before.” Jeno bit his lip, “People change, Renjun. Nothing stays consistent in this world.” He sounded rude that it made the boy across shift. He thought of what Jaemin asked last night and an idea came up on his mind. He looked at Renjun who had tears brimming in his eyes. Jeno’s chest felt heavy; a pang of guilt for being careless and for not thinking through with what he says. The boy must be hurt and his chest but he couldn’t bring himself to apologize because just like Renjun, he finds it hard to say sorry. Renjun gathered his stuff and threw it inside his bag. He was ready to leave when Jeno spoke, “Yes,” he said; eyes closed, not sure if he’s decided the right decision. Renjun turned on him with a confused look, brows deep in a frown and eyes questioning. He looked at Renjun with much sincerity and hope, “Teach me how to love but stop chasing Jaemin,” his voice trembling. Renjun’s eyes widen, shocked with what he’s heard.

 

 

-flashback-

Renjun was still fanning his hands with his hot breath when Jaemin spoke,

“What if we teach you how to love?” Jaemin coolly stated as if he’s asking for spare change.

Jeno felt frozen and looked at him in disbelief and Renjun stopped fanning his hand, “Jaem? What do you mean?” the boy asks, dropping Jeno’s hand but still cupping it with his slender fingers.

“I mean, we could teach Jeno how to love since he’s never been in love. There have been cases of aromantics who fell in love after being taught and briefed on how to. Everything’s possible,” Jaemin says, eyes never leaving Jeno.

“How… can you do that?” the words from Jeno’s mouth sounded breathy. He couldn’t find his voice because of what he’s heard.

“We’ll just treat you like our boyfriend. Do normal stuff like what boyfriends do? I don’t know,” Jaemin says, digging in the pockets of his leather jacket lying on the floor and brings out a cigarette and lighter, “let’s just go with the flow,” he brings a cigarette in his mouth and lights the other end of it, “we’ll shower you with love, babe,” Jaemin grins and gives a wink to Jeno’s direction.

“That’d be fun! Jeno, what do you say?” Renjun asks with hopeful eyes. Jeno doesn’t know what to say or what to react. He opens his mouth, finding the right words to respond. He couldn’t bring himself to agree nor say no. “Jen, there’s nothing to lose if you say yes to Jaemin’s idea. If things really won’t work out then we’ll leave you alone.” Renjun’s words brought different realizations to Jeno’s thoughts but he still couldn’t find an answer, “I’ll think about it.” He says and earns a chuckle and a squeal from his partners.

 

-

Jeno feels weird holding someone’s hand while walking through campus. He doesn’t know why but his heart’s not beating frantically like what the movies say. Renjun leans closer to him, eyes concerned, “Is this making you uncomfortable? Am I making you uncomfortable?” the boy asks, rubbing a thumb on Jeno’s. Jeno gives him a small smile and shook his head, “No I’m just wondering why my heart isn’t reacting,” he shyly says, not looking at Renjun’s face to keep the awkward tension from becoming a thick cloud between them.

“Silly,” Renjun giggles. “This is not some sort of magic where you’d pretty much get the result after casting some spells. It takes time, Jen. Be patient, okay?” Renjun says and he nods in return. The boy coos at him for being cute. They walked hand in hand in the cold breeze to get to a nearby café, just a few blocks from campus.

The thick bubble of awkwardness bursted when Renjun told Jeno he also loves watching the Netflix show called Lucifer. “It’s crazy how the show showed us what really hell is because all through my Christian years of living with my parents—all strict and shit and hypocritical which is so annoying, I’ve imagined hell as just some place of burning pit and tortures, though, the show also informed us that souls are indeed tortured but _that_ torture where our greatest sin is being replayed and shit is crazy and weird and it’s fascinating and scary,” the small boy rambles, earning a nod of agreement from Jeno who’s intently listening to him. Both of them were so engrossed in their conversation that they didn’t see a pair of eyes burning with jealousy, looking at them, waiting for his presence to be recognized.

Jaemin was smiling at them despite the jealousy showing through his eyes but when the pair walked by pass him, the smile faded from his mouth, replaced by a small pout. Jaemin, despite the cool, gangster-type outfit he wears on a daily basis, exerts big dumb puppy energy. His wavy brown hair that he never bothers to comb in the morning; sits on the top of his head like a crown, his eyes always smiling despite his deadpan expression as he walks in campus from class to class, his perfect smile that he shows to people he genuinely care and are friends with, the way he cares for people but doesn’t really show it often (because he wanna look like a bad boy), the way he cares for Renjun, watching him from afar sometimes because he’s too shy to confront his long time crush (but finally had the courage to ask him out) and just everything about Na. He’s the definition of a metaphor of two contrasting words that doesn’t make sense but somehow has a beautiful meaning behind it. He’s an 18-year old boy stuck in a 13-year old kid who’s still in his _emo_ phase.

Jaemin was lost in his thoughts, thinking how his long time crush was with another guy and just no ordinary guy— Lee Jeno, who he’s been eyeing out ever since they’ve shared classes in Political Sciences last semester. When he knew he’s stuck with the two boys for their Lit class project, he couldn’t sleep that night and had no courage to show up after three meet ups in Renjun’s dorm. He’s a coward, yes, he admits to that but he’s just… whipped and a panic gay and he’s not supposed to show that because he believes his _bad boy_ facade will shatter. Dramatic.

Jaemin sighs and turns his back from the opposite direction that the two took and grabbed a cigar stick from his pocket, lighted it and brings it to his mouth. He’s better lonely for the next days and the two are probably better without him, he thoughts.

-

Jeno and Renjun settled themselves in a cozy area inside the café; the corner where it’s not crowded and where they could converse without anyone eavesdropping to whatever they’re rambling. Jeno offered to get their orders so Renjun was left alone. The silence enveloping the place was comforting that it had his thoughts drifting and flying to someone he misses the most. Renjun is enjoying Jeno’s company, he’s not gonna lie. The boy is actually, as he’s confirmed, a breath of fresh air. He’s like the weather on a summer day; warm and refreshing that you’d enjoy a trip to the beach or a picnic in your local park. He still hasn’t reached Jeno’s deep pits and emotions but he knows the boy is someone you can rely to (especially during times of trouble and heartaches) and he’s loved that character of him. But he never misses a chance to miss and long for Jaemin and his presence. Jaemin is like the weather on a snowy, winter night. It’s icy cold, the type of cold you’d hate because it existed for nothing but to make people shiver and stuck in layered clothes.  But despite it, you can never deny the fact that the snow, falling from the sky and unto the white-colored streets, on statues or skyscrapers is beautifully breathtaking. The small crystals make one pretty view and as this winter weather disappears, you can never stop yourself from missing it, like you’re longing for the coldness and you’d wish you’ve treasured it more than it deserved.

He’s known Jaemin for years and have been crushing on him for years too, probably even though the boy stopped talking to him ever since they went to college. With all the longing building up inside Renjun, the sweet memories they’ve had when they were in high school and cuddles and soft kisses he missed the most, he had no other choice but to say yes to Jaemin. He’s tired of just watching the boy at a safe distance; stealing glances and blushing when he gets caught, he’s wasted time so he said yes in an instant, and it made him happy and sad at the same time.

Despite the differences of the two boys in his life, both gives him the same fulfilling feeling and they keep him warm.

“Are you okay, Junnie?” a worried voice snapped him back to reality. He stared back at the pair of eyes staring at him. Jeno has pretty eyes and it’s the prettiest when he smiles. His black orbs tend to disappear when his eyes form crescent-like when the boy shows a genuine smile and it’s breathtaking. He smiled at Jeno, “Yeah, I’m okay.” He said with a small voice, shy for spacing out. Jeno reached out to his face and wiped out his tears sitting on his cheeks that he didn’t know were there. He didn’t realize he was crying while thinking about Jaemin. He felt embarrassed. “Thanks, Jen,” he said and sipped on his macchiato. Jeno gave him a timid smile.

The two spent their free time talking and ranting about random stuff and Jeno, Jeno has never felt that good in his whole existence. It was like eating for the first time after starving for days, like finishing a thesis paper, a pamper day off from work or school or living without thinking and worrying of school loans and dorm rents. It was by far the best experience and he can’t wait to get a taste of it in the coming days of him being taught how to love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for ghosting y’all for days?? I haven’t been feeling well writing anything since we still don’t have any internet connection bc our new line sucks they work so slooOow but yeah!! I hope y’all enjoyed a small noren fluff or what that I’ve come up with (squeezed everything from my brain btw) I promiiise there will be norenmin in the next chapters!! Pls continue to support this fic and give me kodus-es because it makes my heart warm and it motivates me :DD


	4. burning sensation.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeno and renjun hangs out at a cafe and a bad boy came to reunite with them.

Jeno is a ball of sunshine.

  
The way he smiles at Renjun’s way makes the latter’s heart flutter. The way he jokes around, how he’s so passionate in the things he loves to do (one of them is to annoy Renjun) and how much he loves literature have made Renjun’s heart beat like crazy— _batshit crazy_.

  
But even with all the fun he gets to experience with Jeno, his heart seemed to be a little—just _a little_ broken with the thought of Jaemin being missing in action. The bad boy has never showed his face to the duo for days and Renjun may be a little mad at him but he just can’t stop himself from missing the boy. He misses seeing Jaemin’s killer smile, hearing his beautiful laugh, his lame jokes and his cute face when he wants Renjun to pepper his face with soft kisses. God, Jaemin may be a pain in the ass, a big, dumb puppy but he’s Renjun’s pain in the ass and his big, dumb puppy. 

  
Renjun’s thoughts got interrupted with a soft kiss on his cheek. He smiled instantly when the familiar citrus cologne invaded his nostrils. The boy smells like euphoria following a day spent in the high-summer sun, like a fun summer day at the beach. His scent reminds him of lemon and mandarin with jasmine sambac and sweet accords of Neroli and cotton candy. The chocolate-haired boy is addicted with his smell, and he can’t get enough of him as he drowns him with his fun scent. 

  
Renjun is addicted with Jeno.

  
“Can’t believe you spaced out again after you just spaced out,” Jeno comments, sitting in front of him; eyes on their intertwined hands. Renjun giggles, “I was just thinking of how good you smell,” he honestly replied. Jeno gave him an eye smile; the most attractive fucking thing out of all the beautiful expressions Jeno could make with his gorgeous face. That face; that face is Renjun’s favourite look on Jeno. Happiness looks so good on the boy’s face and he’s so happy he could make him feel that way. 

  
“Stop smiling at me like that!” Renjun hissed, glaring playfully while trying to hide the smile that was about to resurface on his face, pale cheeks turning into ripe tomatoes.

  
“Like what?” Jeno asked, obviously teasing the blushing boy.

  
“Like you’re in love with me,” Renjun straightforwardly blurted out. The two of them fell into a deafening silence; like the angels above just walked pass by them, like the Gods of the earth cut every human being’s tongue, like their ears bursting and too damaged to hear a single sound. Renjun watches Jeno’s expression, carefully examining the boy in front of him; mouth agape, eyes flashing thousands of emotions that he can’t seem to read and just… Jeno, being attractive while doing the bare minimum. 

  
Renjun fakes a laugh, or so _he tried_ to fake a laugh to burst the awkward bubble between the two of them. It came out just like a fake laugh (like how he’s expected it to be duh) and Jeno blinks rapidly, clearing his throat and caressing the tiny boy’s hands in his. 

  
“Baby,” Jeno exhales, looking intently at Renjun who’s completely shut his eyes out. “Baby, look at me,” he pleaded whilst playing with the boy’s hands.

  
“Jeno, I can’t,” the latter said, eyes still shut and cheeks reddening in too much embarrassment. Renjun can’t believe he just said those words knowing how Jeno is having a hard time to develop romantic feelings for someone. He feels stupid! He’s an idiot! A God forsaken idiot with an empty head! That’s a double negative and he means what he said. 

  
“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Junnie, it’s okay.” Jeno softly whispered to him.

  
_Junnie._

  
Sweet Jesus, he loves that nickname.

  
He opened his eyes slowly and met the younger’s gaze. He gave him a _please let’s not push it_ look and Jeno just nodded, like he’s got the nonverbal message the older had just sent him.

  
“So, I talked to the manager in the café we applied at and he said we can already start working by tomorrow if we’re free the whole afternoon,” Jeno changed the topic yet so smoothly, like something just didn’t happen earlier that put them into an awkward state. Renjun’s face lit up from what he’s heard; his eyes sparkling with joy and enthusiasm and it’s Jeno’s favourite thing in the world; his Injunnie getting excited over the little things.

  
Jeno can’t help himself but to put a smile on his face as well.

  
“That’s great! So, great! Wow, Jeno. This is the best thing I’ve heard today!” Renjun exclaimed, his eyes glimmering with excitement and cheeks red with happiness. Jeno stared at his beautiful face while smiling.

  
God. Jeno can’t believe he gets to hold the boy’s hand, let alone put a smile on his face.

  
“Junnie, you look so pretty with that smile on your face.” Jeno blurted out with no hint of embarrassment or regrets on his face. Renjun pouted and squeezed his hands, “Stop, you’re making me blush even more.”

  
Jeno giggled and was about to say something when he spotted a familiar figure standing behind Renjun; his eyes surprised and mouth partly agape. “Jaem,” Jeno whispered while looking at the tall boy.

  
Jaemin’s eyes were dark but his mouth was in a wide smile, “Am I interrupting you or something? ‘Cause I’ll gladly leave,” he faintly said while eyeing Jeno.

  
Jeno looked at Renjun who’s fallen silent. Renjun gave him a small smile, nodded briefly and looked down. Jeno signalled Jaemin to sit beside him, and the latter carefully sat, eyes trained on the pair’s intertwined hands. His eyes shifted on Renjun who’s still looking down, “Injunnie, are you still mad… at me?” his voice was soft, afraid he’d wake up a beast in Renjun. Renjun felt good hearing his name coming out of Jaemin’s voice. He missed his voice so much and he’s doing his best from restraining himself to hug the boy across from him. Renjun isn’t mad anymore. The moment he heard Jaemin’s voice from behind, the anger suddenly vanished. It magically disappeared and it was replaced with longing. He missed Jaemin. He missed peppering the Jaemin’s face with soft kisses while the bad boy giggles at him. He heard Jaemin sigh so he looked at him in the eyes, shook his head and a little pout on his lips.

  
Jaemin gave him the brightest smile and Renjun smiled back without hesitation. Jeno, Jeno’s heart is about to fucking explode. His heart feels crazy and it’s beating like shit watching the two who’re communicating through their loving eyes. He’s happy that the two finally reconciled but a part of him felt sad. He felt alone once again and he feels like the biggest, dumbest jerk for feeling that way. 

  
Jeno feels out of the picture.

  
He was about to untwine his hands from Renjun when the latter tightened his hand. Jeno looked up, looking at Renjun whose face has a stupid smile that makes Jeno’s heart beat like crazy. He felt a warm hand interlace with his cold, free one and shit, Jeno never felt that warm in his entire life. His heart felt warm like it’s being embraced by a soft, fuzzy blanket on a cold night. His entire body felt warm and his cheeks warm, redder than his favourite strawberries.

  
“Jen, baby, you’re red. Are you sick?” Renjun asked, worry evident on his cute face. Jeno shook his head viciously that earned a chuckle from the boy beside him. “Injunnie, Jeno is just…” Jaemin couldn’t find the right word as he looks at the handsome boy beside him, admiring his beautiful features that he missed so much. Jeno locked eyes with him and Jaemin felt breathless; lost with words. He’s the definition of _no thoughts, head empty._  

  
And _fuck_ , Jaemin has the biggest urge to kiss Jeno’s face then and there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello i offer u this chapter!! it took me MONTHS to update this au. i'm soooo sorry i was really busy w school. thesis was !!1 too much to handle (thank god defense got canceled tho) we're down to our final chapter n i'm gonna try!! my best to finish this!! norenmin fluff on the next chapter :]


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